Yo dont text me then not text me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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