his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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