I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
