Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
