dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
