we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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