Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
