Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
