the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
