i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize