y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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