I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
