If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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