i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A bitchslap is in order.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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