i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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