1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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