I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
