in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
