Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
