Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
