I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
