I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
