I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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