Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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