hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
