Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
