Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
