It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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