I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
