it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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