I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had sex on a roof
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
