Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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