Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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