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• (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I regret nothing

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• (209): View more from California

  I will pee on everything he values.

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• (951): View more from California

  I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude you're not even a fucking science major

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i said i had a yeast infection

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• (512): View more from Texas

  It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship

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