My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
