hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
