I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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