Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize