dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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