i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
