I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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