2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
