Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
