Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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