Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
