Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
