meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
