I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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