I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
