hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Still dying that you shit outside
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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