ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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