BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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