I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't turn off my feet"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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