I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
