I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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