Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
