so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
