i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
