what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
