I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
