Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
