And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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