i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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