So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
