Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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