A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
