She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
