We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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