haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
