Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
