Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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