Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
