He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
