**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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