just tell him i said nine months
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
