she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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