Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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