I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
